I finished up my last day of class yesterday. Just one paper between me and the completion of my 8 credit experience this summer. Today I was reflecting as I walked to the beach with my host mom (Luciana). She had her earphones in and we just walked in silence. She breathes deeply as we walk the 1 km from her house to the beach, and to her this is some kind of work out. She comments on my pace and how quickly I walk and then we return to silence.
As I walk I realized something I hadn't before. The whole time before I left for Brazil I said, I want a 'host family.' I want kids or teenagers or people I can connect with, not just a host mom. But i didn't really want a 'host family.' I wanted a typical-american-family-that-spoke-portuguese-host-family. I wanted a Trinity family. I wanted them to live in a nice house near the ocean. I wanted to play sports with the kids. I wanted to cook with the mom. I wanted that TV american family lifestyle. I don't know why that's how I had imagined this experience but I had.
But what I got was Luciana, and her daughter. We hardly cooked together or watched TV or walked to the beach. We never played sports or went to dinner. But we had so many laughs and I watched two very different people grow in the matter of one month. Luciana is the happiest (I think) she's been since I got here. She is dramatically in love with this man and ask me for dating advice regularly. She lets me relax and tells me not to go places, especially when I'm not keen on going. And she opens her house to me like it is my own home. I hope that when I'm gone the great things continue and I will continue to hear from her, because she's incredible.
I wanted a roommate that would be my best friend. Truth is, I wanted Allie to be my roommate in Brazil. The whole time I thought about this roommate I was excited that I would have someone to go places with and share meals with and drink beers with and just love life with.
What I got was a group of girls who only spoke German the whole time. I'm so sorry if you all ever find this (odds are you won't). The group of people that attended the seminars made the environment difficult because 8 of the 12 spoke german, and so english was hardly consistently spoken. I completely get it, it is so much easier to speak in your own language but it made it very hard to want to participate in any activity with them. But it gave me an opportunity to spend time with myself and make a few really close friends. I don't know if my blogs would have been nearly as reflective if I had made some phenomenal friends. I don't know if I would of learned as much. I don't know if I would of changed as much.
I wanted to be able to lift and dive while I was here. I emailed a coach and assumed I would find a gym on campus and everything would be great.
What I got was 4 weeks of running. Without a headset. Without my watch. Without my phone. A whole lot of time with me, my tennis shoes, the people, the ocean, the bikers, and my thoughts. But my perception of running has changed. It's no longer a painful hour but instead I have found a way to eliminate the painful thoughts and create positive ones. Ones that are reflective and inspiring. Ones that aren't of despair, but of hope and confidence. It is a new mentality and I am loving it. Another great thing about running is that I miss diving and lifting. When I left Columbia in May I was over the whole thing. I did not want to dive and lifting was the only way I could keep my mind blank. I am excited to get back to the flipping a little.
I wanted to return to the US and be fluent in Portuguese
Hell I don't know if my Portuguese has gotten any better.....but I know my english has gotten worse. Hearing people who speak english as a second language talk all the time takes a tole on your OWN language. I needed to be nicer to myself when I set out on this journey. I stumble a lot, and I don't say things that way they would say them. and sometimes people speak to me in Portuguese and I have no idea what the context is or what they want. It's been a struggle. But I hope when I get back to the US and back to Portuguese class that my professor will see an improvement because it is hard to see an improvement in yourself.
So what this post was supposed to show is that sometimes what you want and what you get are two completely different things. But these things shape you. and they shape your experience. and then they shape how you see the world. I couldn't be more grateful for this time in Brazil. For what it has been and for what it has not been. I think I need to take some time to be more grateful for what my college experience instead of what it has not been as well ;)
I leave for the US on Tuesday night so I have a few more days to enjoy the beach. I do not know how much more I will have to write about between now and then but I will upload the paper I write for class for you all to read so you know more about Brazil as a country as well (if you are interested). If not just ignore it! So three more days and two more blog post to go. It's all ending so quickly
As I walk I realized something I hadn't before. The whole time before I left for Brazil I said, I want a 'host family.' I want kids or teenagers or people I can connect with, not just a host mom. But i didn't really want a 'host family.' I wanted a typical-american-family-that-spoke-portuguese-host-family. I wanted a Trinity family. I wanted them to live in a nice house near the ocean. I wanted to play sports with the kids. I wanted to cook with the mom. I wanted that TV american family lifestyle. I don't know why that's how I had imagined this experience but I had.
But what I got was Luciana, and her daughter. We hardly cooked together or watched TV or walked to the beach. We never played sports or went to dinner. But we had so many laughs and I watched two very different people grow in the matter of one month. Luciana is the happiest (I think) she's been since I got here. She is dramatically in love with this man and ask me for dating advice regularly. She lets me relax and tells me not to go places, especially when I'm not keen on going. And she opens her house to me like it is my own home. I hope that when I'm gone the great things continue and I will continue to hear from her, because she's incredible.
I wanted a roommate that would be my best friend. Truth is, I wanted Allie to be my roommate in Brazil. The whole time I thought about this roommate I was excited that I would have someone to go places with and share meals with and drink beers with and just love life with.
What I got was a group of girls who only spoke German the whole time. I'm so sorry if you all ever find this (odds are you won't). The group of people that attended the seminars made the environment difficult because 8 of the 12 spoke german, and so english was hardly consistently spoken. I completely get it, it is so much easier to speak in your own language but it made it very hard to want to participate in any activity with them. But it gave me an opportunity to spend time with myself and make a few really close friends. I don't know if my blogs would have been nearly as reflective if I had made some phenomenal friends. I don't know if I would of learned as much. I don't know if I would of changed as much.
I wanted to be able to lift and dive while I was here. I emailed a coach and assumed I would find a gym on campus and everything would be great.
What I got was 4 weeks of running. Without a headset. Without my watch. Without my phone. A whole lot of time with me, my tennis shoes, the people, the ocean, the bikers, and my thoughts. But my perception of running has changed. It's no longer a painful hour but instead I have found a way to eliminate the painful thoughts and create positive ones. Ones that are reflective and inspiring. Ones that aren't of despair, but of hope and confidence. It is a new mentality and I am loving it. Another great thing about running is that I miss diving and lifting. When I left Columbia in May I was over the whole thing. I did not want to dive and lifting was the only way I could keep my mind blank. I am excited to get back to the flipping a little.
I wanted to return to the US and be fluent in Portuguese
Hell I don't know if my Portuguese has gotten any better.....but I know my english has gotten worse. Hearing people who speak english as a second language talk all the time takes a tole on your OWN language. I needed to be nicer to myself when I set out on this journey. I stumble a lot, and I don't say things that way they would say them. and sometimes people speak to me in Portuguese and I have no idea what the context is or what they want. It's been a struggle. But I hope when I get back to the US and back to Portuguese class that my professor will see an improvement because it is hard to see an improvement in yourself.
So what this post was supposed to show is that sometimes what you want and what you get are two completely different things. But these things shape you. and they shape your experience. and then they shape how you see the world. I couldn't be more grateful for this time in Brazil. For what it has been and for what it has not been. I think I need to take some time to be more grateful for what my college experience instead of what it has not been as well ;)
I leave for the US on Tuesday night so I have a few more days to enjoy the beach. I do not know how much more I will have to write about between now and then but I will upload the paper I write for class for you all to read so you know more about Brazil as a country as well (if you are interested). If not just ignore it! So three more days and two more blog post to go. It's all ending so quickly
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