https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-l70C3ePyIQ
I like this song a lot. To be honest I like Christian music a lot. When I'm not listening to my Avett Brothers or I'm in the gym my worship music is probably what's on. Dang it gets me. Apple Music Christian Radio is worth every cent of the 5.99 I pay each month.
Yesterday my mom said something to me on the phone as I was financially worrying about this trip for the 23094832 time. She said, "Marissa, this is like the present your younger self gave to you. Because you got all of this money and you didn't spend it." My mom used to joke and say Jason has all of this money in his account and one day he's going to meet a girl and spend it all on her. and then she'd look at me and tell me she didn't know what I'd spend it on. Well I'll tell you what I'm spending it on; this trip. and I'm trying to say, I don't regret that one bit.
So dear younger me,
Thank you for every moment you went to to get to where you are.
I love the line in that song that goes:
"Dear younger me
I cannot decide
Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life
Or do I go deep
And try to change
The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me"
because really, there are so many things I've done in the past that I look back on and go, "dang that was dumb." and there are so many days I walk into the pool and want to melt into a puddle of tears and not go back. BUT there were three times in my life that I got to stand up on that podium in front of all my friends and win a state medal.
Interestingly enough they all lead me here. To Europe. To meet some phenomenal people. and to turn 21. and to spend all that money I spent saving as a kid. Every birthday, every christmas, every holiday for 21 years: all for these moments. All for me to get up in front of my class today and present on Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) of a company. Today, our professor (we call her Dr. V) had us work in groups to find key performance indicators of a industry and then present on them. ANYONE knows anything about me from high school knows that presenting in front of a group makes me want to die. I'm afraid my voice will sound stupid or I'll say something dumb or I'll embarrass myself or people will judge my outfit. But today was different.
So back to the assignment. We picked the automotive industry (barf) and wrote about the key performance indicators of the automotive industry for 25 minutes. When it came time to present the group that went in front of us ALSO did the automotive industry. So on the spot during our presentation I changed our industry to........ chocolate. I don't know what came over me, and the professor rolled her eyes at me when I said such a thing. And then I did something I've never done before in a class in my life. I straight up winged the whole presentation. I used what we had written about cars and just changed the performance indicators. And the professor tried to stump me for about 20 minutes. But finally at the end of the presentation she complimented our work.
So now that I've gone off on this pointless story I do have a point. Maybe all of these opportunities lead to this point for a reason. I have a new confidence in myself from this trip. I frequently feel at school like I am the worst at everything I do. I'll tell you it too, and it also shows. It's hard to be in the best program in the nation and not feel that way. It's hard to be on a team of college athletes and not feel that way. It's hard to have friends that are going to go off and be doctors and lawyers and make millions and not feel that way. (i love y'all nothing offensive towards you.) But I just feel... dull? bland? boring? like nothing about myself makes me stand out.
If I can take anything back from this trip, it would be that little bit of confidence I felt today presenting. Honestly that has been something I've been looking for my whole life.
so dear younger me, I hope one day I can present with as much elegance and grace publicly as you wished for all of your years of grade school, and I hope this program is just a small step in a lifetime of self assurance.
AND dear reader, I hope I didn't lose you in this jumbled thought mess. I hope you have a wonderful day. and if you get a second or too, think about how far you've come. I bet it's further than you feel right now.
I like this song a lot. To be honest I like Christian music a lot. When I'm not listening to my Avett Brothers or I'm in the gym my worship music is probably what's on. Dang it gets me. Apple Music Christian Radio is worth every cent of the 5.99 I pay each month.
Yesterday my mom said something to me on the phone as I was financially worrying about this trip for the 23094832 time. She said, "Marissa, this is like the present your younger self gave to you. Because you got all of this money and you didn't spend it." My mom used to joke and say Jason has all of this money in his account and one day he's going to meet a girl and spend it all on her. and then she'd look at me and tell me she didn't know what I'd spend it on. Well I'll tell you what I'm spending it on; this trip. and I'm trying to say, I don't regret that one bit.
So dear younger me,
Thank you for every moment you went to to get to where you are.
I love the line in that song that goes:
"Dear younger me
I cannot decide
Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life
Or do I go deep
And try to change
The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me"
because really, there are so many things I've done in the past that I look back on and go, "dang that was dumb." and there are so many days I walk into the pool and want to melt into a puddle of tears and not go back. BUT there were three times in my life that I got to stand up on that podium in front of all my friends and win a state medal.
Interestingly enough they all lead me here. To Europe. To meet some phenomenal people. and to turn 21. and to spend all that money I spent saving as a kid. Every birthday, every christmas, every holiday for 21 years: all for these moments. All for me to get up in front of my class today and present on Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) of a company. Today, our professor (we call her Dr. V) had us work in groups to find key performance indicators of a industry and then present on them. ANYONE knows anything about me from high school knows that presenting in front of a group makes me want to die. I'm afraid my voice will sound stupid or I'll say something dumb or I'll embarrass myself or people will judge my outfit. But today was different.
So back to the assignment. We picked the automotive industry (barf) and wrote about the key performance indicators of the automotive industry for 25 minutes. When it came time to present the group that went in front of us ALSO did the automotive industry. So on the spot during our presentation I changed our industry to........ chocolate. I don't know what came over me, and the professor rolled her eyes at me when I said such a thing. And then I did something I've never done before in a class in my life. I straight up winged the whole presentation. I used what we had written about cars and just changed the performance indicators. And the professor tried to stump me for about 20 minutes. But finally at the end of the presentation she complimented our work.
So now that I've gone off on this pointless story I do have a point. Maybe all of these opportunities lead to this point for a reason. I have a new confidence in myself from this trip. I frequently feel at school like I am the worst at everything I do. I'll tell you it too, and it also shows. It's hard to be in the best program in the nation and not feel that way. It's hard to be on a team of college athletes and not feel that way. It's hard to have friends that are going to go off and be doctors and lawyers and make millions and not feel that way. (i love y'all nothing offensive towards you.) But I just feel... dull? bland? boring? like nothing about myself makes me stand out.
If I can take anything back from this trip, it would be that little bit of confidence I felt today presenting. Honestly that has been something I've been looking for my whole life.
so dear younger me, I hope one day I can present with as much elegance and grace publicly as you wished for all of your years of grade school, and I hope this program is just a small step in a lifetime of self assurance.
AND dear reader, I hope I didn't lose you in this jumbled thought mess. I hope you have a wonderful day. and if you get a second or too, think about how far you've come. I bet it's further than you feel right now.
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